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Day 365 – My Year is Over…

So, it is time to say good-bye. This past year has been an interesting one - see Day 1.  It's amazing how I have ended up exactly where I started one year ago - although not totally surprising :).  I cannot believe how quickly it has flown by, and I have also surprised myself at my commitment to writing my Blog.  I am not, however, surprised at my lack of commitment to the title. Going back over old Blogs is an enlightening experience for me to see how I dealt with situations – not always good! 

In the past year I have had a number of dates… Mr. Dallas – was he married?  Mr. 90210 - three dates, decent enough guy, but not for me and I was not for him. Silver – the incredibly attractive older man who was a really bad kisser but so nice. Clark, ahh Clark – the man I dated the longest – he stressed me out, made the slim – haha – anxiety weight loss, and he hurt my heart just a little, or maybe a lot if I am honest. Mr. Omaha – not really a date but a lot of weekend fun – a lot – still makes me smile. There was also Mr. Funnyman who stood me up – not funny.  Lots of near misses and almost dates. Not a lot in a year, especially with what I was supposed to do with truly putting myself out there.

Here is what I know about myself… I am incredibly stubborn and completely resistant to change, even if I am the one telling myself to do it. I have an almost physical reaction to trying to change the way I do things – especially when it comes to dating men.  Even walking to work a different way caused me anxiety! 

It is also in the public domain about my love for Tony DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly) of NCIS, and of course my absolute love for Il Divo – I am not ashamed.  I love wine, I don’t love to exercise.  I think I will always be just a little bit wobbly and I don’t think I will ever stop worrying about my weight and my crows feet –ever!  My job has somewhat taken over my life, but I am trying to get my life back so that it doesn’t become my sole conversation with everyone I talk to.  I have amazing friends and consider myself incredibly lucky to have them all in my life. And, I am happy – really I am.

I still know what I want from the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, although I don’t know what he looks like – my dream board says it all, I am just not very good at looking for it.  I want him to find me. I really do still want to share the rest of my life with someone special.

I have been on many dating sites, read many many self help books and listened to lots of advice – I might not have taken the advice but I really have listened – honest.

I have no idea how many readers I have – one, two, maybe three but I want to thank everyone who has followed me.  MoDiva – thank you for commenting almost every day you have become a true cyber friend :). Thank you all for caring about me and giving me sage advice along the way.  I must have stressed you all out so much with my whining and moaning and I can hear you saying “oh my god, why doesn’t she just change!” I think you are saying that because I say it to myself all the time.

Not sure what else to say. Today I am off to Kansas City to see my dear friend L1 and of course her wonderful sister L2 who has also become a great friend.  After Kansas City, I am then taking a few more days to visit another friend in Houston. This is my much needed, long awaited break and I am going to enjoy it.  And, if I dare to dream I could meet my future husband on this journey - you never know.

So, not much else to say except, farewell friends and thank you :) ...

Day 364 – I am Having a Me Day…

What a lovely evening. Myself, KS and B went to our couple friends’ house for dinner. Dinner was fabulous, relaxing, indulgent and very fun. Their condo is very grown up and jealous worthy. A gorgeous place in Beacon Hill, very much to my taste – I was in awe of it. They have been married for 10 years and still adore each other and support each other in the sweetest ways. They have this thing where every summer they indulge each other in something one of them wants to do. Quite funny when the husband talked about doing yoga for a summer, but it was said with total fondness, even if there was an “f” word in there :).  I know you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but it was just nice to be around them and thinking about what I want – again.  I do want to be married and I want to share my life. I hope it happens, I really do.

I have never been allergic to cats in my life but towards the end of the evening after petting their gigantic Bagpuss cat - Bagpuss is an old old Brit children’s TV show. The intro goes… “"Bagpuss, dear Bagpuss, old fat furry cat-puss, wake up and look at this thing that I bring. Wake up, be bright, be golden and light, Bagpuss, O hear what I sing." – I seriously can’t believe I remembered that – I did have to look up a bit of it. Anyway, my eye swelled up like I had done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson – it looked absolutely disgusting. The worse thing was I felt more sorry for them than I did for myself. They felt so bad about it. Lovely evening even with the bloodshot, swollen eye.

Today is going to be a “me” day. Strange that I felt guilty this morning – isn’t that terrible, so bad. It took all my willpower not to respond to emails.  I will not feel guilty about taking time off work. I am going to have a mani/pedi and maybe a facial if I can get in anywhere. I am going to take my time packing and thinking about what outfits I need to bring for a trip to KC and Houston – I have no idea whatsoever!  I can’t wait to see my friends this weekend.

I will see you tomorrow to say good-bye :(.

Day 363 – "Are You Canadian?" said the Doctor...

I could regale you of more stories of floods, mold, water suction, wood curving and of course subrogation because I am now an expert, but I wont ;). You are safe!

To be honest, I am filling the page with dribble because I really have nothing at all to tell you. I am thinking while sitting on my sofa, TV on in the background, a glass of Pinot in front of me, and I still don’t know what to say, so I am just typing nonsense hoping something will come to me. Something… anything… hmm, well I was asked if I was Canadian today (Tuesday).  I just stared at the guy, a doctor actually, in disbelief.  Don’t get excited, I was seeing him for a medical reason – this was sadly not a date.  He was quite cute actually but all business. I felt like he would really lack a bedside manner. To give him his due I think he was German, but you would think that he would totally get me being English. Honestly, people guess I am Australian, South African, Irish even Scottish and now Canadian, and I was once even asked if I was from Manchester, New Hampshire, but very rarely English these days. Should I be insulted - on the Canadian comment I mean?  My sad little lost Brit accent :(. See I can talk utter nonsense!  Won’t you miss this?

What else can I tell you? Well, I can tell you I am going to miss writing something every night, but I feel the fact that I am talking about insurance and my accent may mean it has truly come to an end, and the only decent thing to do is to stop the nonsense for all our sakes. Only two more days to go. I feel like I am bad reality show right now.

That was last night. Tonight, I am going to a new friend’s (couple) house for a dinner party - I hope the rain calms down a little - it was a bit of a mess getting to work this morning. By the sound of what they are making for dinner it is going to be a fabulous food fest. A very nice way to end my work week because tomorrow is the start of my vacation. I am taking an extra day off to pamper myself a little before I leave on Friday. See you tomorrow.

Day 362 – My Blog Has Hit a Whole New Low...

I never went to the gym – I am so bad.  I worked, had to; I really did – until quite late actually.  I was trying to catch up on my real work – whatever that is these days. My daily job was put aside because of the flood this past weekend, which is putting a severe strain on my miniscule facilities management abilities!  Adjusters, contractors, lawyers, real estate planners, building leases, water suction professionals, mold specialists and architects – not to mention words like subrogate, which I had to look up!  How on earth am I supposed to know what that means anyway? I do now know and it really is quite simple :).

Subrogation in its most common usage refers to circumstances in which an insurance company tries to recoup expenses for a claim it paid out when another party should have been responsible for paying at least a portion of that claim.

It really is quite bad for a blog titled “My Quest to Find a Husband” when I am writing about subrogation – it’s a whole new low for me!  Oh my god, I am talking about insurance – save me!

So, the other day I was talking to some friends about dating, more specifically freaky dates with guys that just say or do ridiculous things. Now I am going to tell you a pretty gross story… I met a guy years ago when I lived in London.  He was a young professor at London University and I thought very attractive and of course highly intelligent. He asked me out and we had our first date in the London Docks at a bar where Jack the Ripper was supposed have trawled to look for his victims. Well, I walked in to meet him, sat down, ordered a wine and barely had a sip when he said to me “I thought you should know that I like hair brushes put in my bottom.” I am seriously not kidding – I thought he was kidding, but he wasn’t, not even a little bit.  So, I downed my wine, thanked him for the drink, which of course I expected him to pay for, and said to him “the hairbrush thing is just not for me but I respect your choices.”  I then took the scary walk home around the streets of London back to my flat. I figured I was safer walking around Jack the Ripper streets than sticking around hairbrush butt guy!  We all had many many stories of similar ilk and couldn’t stop laughing. Gross right?  Not even sure why I told you that story except that don't you think it's about time I met a nice, normal, lovely man?

I ended my evening by watching that damn silly reality show called "Dating in the Dark" - I can't help it - I am so drawn into it - I actually DVR it.  I don't watch reality shows but this one totally has me hooked. I am now even checking back to see "how the couples are doing."  It's bad and good all at the same time!  It usually says things like "Jessica and John remain friends on Facebook, but they haven't seen each other since the show." 

I am now getting ready for a week off work starting Thursday.  I just can’t wait. Time with friends, not working and relaxing is exactly what I need right now, I need it far more than just a two-day weekend.

I am not even going to say that tonight I am going to the gym because I can imagine that I will just work late to get things all out of the way before I take my little trips to Kansas City and Houston. See you tomorrow.

Weekend Update – Some Sleeping and Lounging Involved…

Apart from a surprise 4.00 a.m. wake up call on Saturday the weekend was quite quiet, some sleeping, a lot of lounging, a whole slew of movies, and a bit of culture thrown in.

Friday, myself and KB went for a few drinks after work to Bistro du Midi.  It was a beautiful evening to sit outside on the patio and people watch. We left around 8ish and came back to my apartment to watch “Nine.” Fun movie – I don’t think it was as good as Chicago, which I thought was fantastic, but really very good nevertheless.  Fergie’s piece was amazing.  I have had the song she sang, "Be Italian" in my head all weekend.  In fact, I am singing it right now as I type.  Of course, I am no Fergie but I like to belt out a good tune in the confines of my apartment every now and again :).

At 4.00 a.m. on Saturday morning, both my cell and my home phone started to ring. I didn’t know what was going on – it was like a surreal 20 seconds of me thinking all sorts of bad things about my family at home in England. Luckily, that was not the case. There was flood in my building and our office reception was under water. Apparently, this is now my job too :(.  I got dressed and called a cab to get into the office.  Holy moly, water can do some pretty serious damage.  So, pulling out all the skills I don’t have about facilities management, I dealt with the situation right through to mid-afternoon. I was very tired indeed.

These are times when I want to come home to someone, just so I can tell them about my day and how out of my depth I felt and make fun of myself.  I want to share my days with someone.  I am however, still in the mindset of not wanting to actively look for him.  Its okay right now not looking and stopping this search feels like the right decision for me at the moment. So strange after the past year how I am ending it.

The rest of my Saturday was all about lounging and movies. “Cocktail” – and why not – I love this movie. “What about the Morgan’s” – oh lord, just awful – already wiped from my memory, and an oldie but goodie, wonderful movie “Roman Holiday” with Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn.

Thank goodness no 4.00 a.m. call on Sunday.  Lovely, cozy, lazy, guilt free lie in. I decided to do something a little different and took myself to the Museum of Fine Arts for a little walk around the exhibits. I have been a member of the MFA since moving to Boston back in 1998 and do not take nearly as much advantage of it as I should.  It was really nice, not only walking around the Impressionist section - my favorite, but also the people watching.  Lots of wonderful characters at a Museum on a Sunday.  A bit of culture never hurt anyone and it definitely didn't hurt me, in fact it just made me realize there are lots of things to do in the city when I think I am bored - and it didn't cost me a penny except for the coffee at museum cafe.  Not a bad day at all.

The evening ended with another movie called "Adam" - a story about a man with Asbergers Syndrome trying to live a normal life and have a relationship.  I thought it would be sweet and nice and in a way it was, but it gave me total anxiety.  I was stressed out the whole time I watched the movie - it was actually quite difficult to watch him having difficulties trying to function in a "normal" world.  I just had to watch an NCIS after it to take the edge off ;).

This week, my final week of writing this blog, is a going to be a little more quiet.  Tonight I am going to workout - yes indeed - workout.  my body may actually revolt against it but I am doing it!  See you tomorrow.

Day 358 – I need to Sleep and Lounge…

I am not sure if I am channeling Lindsey Lohan or a really old chick that should not go out four nights in a row!!!  If it’s Lindsey, I am going to be in rehab pretty damn soon or maybe prison – although I am not sure why I would be in prison - I am a very good girl :).  I am just too old to go our every single night - not exactly sure why I do this to myself?  I have had a very nice week though.  Here is the sad part… I have been out every night but I have been in bed by 10.00 p.m., and I still can’t do it.  My weekend has to be about sleeping and lounging, lounging and sleeping – both sound good to me.

Last night was about six friends going out to Stella to partly celebrate J’s engagement – girl’s style – aka, eating, drinking wine and gossiping, and also to prepare J for the “Running of the Brides” this morming at the Hynes Convention Center. Sadly, I couldn't make it but she has a very capable group of women going with her, who I am sure can bully their way around the brides and bridezillas looking for that perfect dress. My friends have promised me they will do their damndest to get on the front page of the Boston Globe!  If they do, I will die laughing.

So, as I have said, I am going to lounge and sleep this weekend. I do actually and very surprisingly, plan on working out, maybe not tonight but definitely at some point of the weekend.  Have a great one!  See you Monday.